Now that I have returned to Austin, I was able to process and reflect a bit.
What did I learn?
With what gifts and talents in my disposal, I am enabled to empower others. However, I learned about myself in regards to my shortcomings and insecurities. But I am learning that it is alright because you don’t have to be perfect and that’s what team members are to make up what you lacked. That is what people around you are for to help disciple, train, and raise you up.
I was hesitant being part of the leadership team. Partly because I didn’t know the team as well as everyone else and here I am coming in as a leader, an inexperienced one compared to the rest. At the same time, I am really thankful for that because I was able to learn and observe behind the scenes within planning and see what thoughts and considerations go into leadership. Because of those experiences, I feel confident in the future. The best part is being supported and encouraged by those I was supposed to lead.
From what I was told and affirmed, my leadership style is less than of the front end but a little bit more behind the scenes. How I see myself is that I like to meet people from where they are at. It was inconvenient, time consuming, but intentional. I think for the most part people appreciated it. I realize for a successful church or any other organization you need both kinds of people to lead in the front and people in the back, to help catch those who may be struggling or falling behind. Even now, a part of me still wishes I could have done more.
However, after reading my team’s farewell/encouragement cards, I was so humbled by them. As much as they made an impact on me, I have done the same to my team members. I didn’t think I made such an effect on them because I was just being myself making the most of the time I had there.
What will I miss?
I am going to miss the life group, the leadership team, and my sub-teams there.
I am going to miss the days waking up early in the morning to a room of 15 other guys.
I am going to miss waking up early for morning prayer.
I am going to miss those late night talks.
I am going to miss waiting in line for the shower.
I am going to miss the Frog class at Excel English and the kids at Excel Enrich.
I am going to miss the days making lunch or dinner together.
I am going to miss the days eating together in a large group.
I am going to miss running errands such as shopping for the team and doing their laundry.
I am going to miss the people I have gotten the privilege to know these last couple of months.
I am going to miss meeting folks we’ve been outreaching to.
I am going to miss the times being confronted and corrected when I made mistakes or lacking awareness.
I am going to miss those days of partnership with the team.
What is next?
God moves whether I am there or not. The saddest part of leaving is that I won’t be able to actively follow up with the people I’ve met since there is a geographical barrier. I will miss my team members a lot. They changed and grew so much since I last met them in June. I am sad that I will not be able to see the results as they live out in their spheres of influence. I am content with the outcome. As I mentioned before, God moves whether I am there or not.
As alluded to previous CSMP blog entries, I am excited for the next season of my life. CSMP isn’t necessarily over yet. There will be many days that I will look back to this experience. I look forward to next year’s team. In our close out meeting, I prayed that they wouldn’t necessarily have the same experience as me but rather they would experience Christ themselves.